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January 22nd, 2010
09:41 pm - In My Pocket With The Rest Chap. 1 no one admits that they exist. if they did, how could the Secret Work be accomplished?
IQ can't be faked. Education can't be faked towards the deeply self questioning and well read...and such is where the avant garde come from, such is where the anarchists arose from. deep intellect and education and heart and passion...where do they come from?
soul searching? having an old soul to begin with? many, many past lives?
as it is, seeing as i am a novelist (as in, JUST 'a blogger'? sorry...there is more to life) and a graphic artist who takes joy in manipulating mages electronically -- i know that what my particular artistic direction represents is more than what "the Mainstream" expects to see.
sure enough as it was with the Avant-garde of wherever -- things tend to remain in an obscure -- but loved -- cultural underground that the unknowing, the unsophisticated and the unobservant tend not to notice until it has been abandoned by its creators and embraced by a mainstream that probably paid money for it...
there is always adequate time for healthy disdain of those who enviously lie about what they did not create. true artists tend to be annoyed -- but at the same time look at such obvious envy as a sort of perk, tip, or complement.
in the context of the cyberculture -- i smile, knowing that things will keep evolving. but it is the evolution of creative intelligence in the collective consciousness that forces the evolution of technology...leaving thse who don't exercise intuitively or rationally in the dust scoffiung jealously at what they don't understand. i know that what i am on the verge of making is the thing hat will put old-age T. V. and movie culture to sleep...
...it's Aquarius, Aquarius will remain the expanding gestalt of the new ce3ntrury, the new aeon. "unsustainable" describes a very arrogant attitude towards the world -- an arrogant and self-destructive attitude that is incapable of honesty about the footprint it creates in the environment. it lies, of course....which is maddening.
artists are hoped to represenmt the collective unconscious in concrete ways -- we are meant to create an "Aha!" environment with the arts.
the ver4y dull witted and arrogant lie about this -- it ios their attitude that is unsustainable...
atists from Georgeia O' Keefe to the cave painters of the American Southwest in the antediluvian period accepted that the greatest artsit is Nature herself. As such , those who arrogantly hold the most unsustainavble view are directly OPPOSED TO true artistic expression --- and to Mother Earth, herself.
Thus they lie about the most mundane and the most cosmic things.
Lies are what they have, Lies are what they do and what they are made of. Lies and cunning but empty excuses about WHY we must waste petrol, why we must invest in wasteful coal and deadlky uranium, LIES about why solar conversion would not have been cost effective in the 1980s.
NO! For Richard B. Cheney, the Duke of Dubai, such solar conversion would have been atrociously ineffective. But for the rest of the world --
-- the deep selfishness of petroboss Cheney and those who support him and his way of thinking is the deep reality, the accursedness that is the rigidly closedminded and utterly SET nonsustainable attitude. It is a lie that they must overcommit to -- and that imbalanced way of thinking is reflected in a DoubleThinking sort of prejudice.
of course the desperate liar must overcommit to lying. And then they must deny it when caught. It makes me laugh, oddly...
I HEAR MY MOTHER CALL
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January 21st, 2010
10:37 am - IT OCCURRED TO ME It would be plagarism if i intended to copy on purpose and tried to fob it off. as it is it is INFLUENCE, and that's allowed, a sign that great writers have been there and influenced people. i just looked at a long LONG list of people who are infuenced by Samuel R. "Chip" Delany --
it's a long list. of course, he's a Hugo winner, deep bibliography, known worldwide, sold maybe billions of units...
likewise, AA Attanasio. I just started rereading Lost Legends of --
I almost did it again! But...when I was fucking Lucy-- when Lucy was boffing ME - that was when I first read Lost Legends of Earth. She read it too. I still hate the Government -- in fact, I have to write from the perspective of people who DON'T hate Government -- for whatever reason -- just for the sake of balance. I can do that. But --
Lucy meant SO much to me. It was perfect: until she went away to go serve and they basically, fullmetal jacket, with that conditioning...the Lucy I was involved with would DETEST the person that she has become.
there are fates worse than death. it's that simple.
well, I won't be listing HER on any lists of my influences. but she belongs there. she's DEFINITELY a literary influence. i was so missing her i have wrote that whole pile o' novel and i was thinking about HER.
as in believe in me, it could work out....ah, little faith!
http://biblos.com/mark/8-36.htm
"bob", (yeah, 80s music, , acceptance, adult swim, africa, ah my goddess, alternative sexuality, amelie, anais nin, anarchism, anarchy, anime, anti-otaku, beatniks, beautiful mutants, bible black, black flag, carl jung, carlos castaneda, cool, cowboy bebop, cred you can spend, cyberpunk, dancing, david bowie, decemberists, discordianism, e.t., edgar allen poe, elfwood, emotional intelligence, existentialism, food not bombs, frank zappa, free thought, frou frou, graphic novels, green anarchy, grendel, guilds, happy anarchist, hardcore softporn, hawkeye peirce, hentai, hunter s. thompson, immoral sisters, indie film, infidelity, inside the kimmel center, intellectuals, ishmael, japanese, journalism, kittie, kittyradio, la blue girl, lao tzu, lesbian, love triangles, lycanthropy, monty python's holy grail, my headphones, my lovely kitty lump, mythology, neo-platonism, nirvana, obscure religions, ontological anarchy, orchids, origin of love, pessimism, philosophy, problem-solving, punk as fuck, right.), sci-fi, science fiction, shakespeare, smashing capitalism, squatting, starchild, steam punk, tenchi, the who, think for you, thought, ugly, umberto eco, video, washu, west philly, wicca, wkdu, women, writers, writing, x-men, xena, you, zelda, zen, zeus master of olympus
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January 5th, 2010
12:49 pm - write about now http://freelancewrite.about.com/b/2010/01/04/freelance-writer-you-must-do.htm#comment-21265
it rarely chafes me when i meet someone who is talking about writing but has little -- at the moment -- to show for it.
rather, i hope and pray and when it is someone younger or less experienced than myself i exhort that they are seeking inspiration.
we know that there are many writers who "do" by sitting down and just hammering the keyboard until they have the required number of characters (by which i mean keystrokes, rather than the citizens of the written work) --
leaving a market saturated with mediocrity.
it is important that the Artist is allowed to sit and do the required writing. but in the current climate, at least to me, it seems like there is next to no INSPIRED, heartfelt writing.
it is "as if" the electronic age made writing seem so very Lucrative that people thought that they could just sit down and spew into the keyboard. and they can. and they can make money.
but the truly inspired writers? often they are frightened by the rapacity and basic venal greed of Industry. In music, in writing -- wherever there are the arts there are also those with next - to no talent of their OWN (would that they would cultivate it! -- instead of seeking to bully others into writing too much and, as happens -- burn out on the industry BEFORE they reach the joy of truly inspired writing that just HAS to come out.
there are all sorts of businesses that require no individual burning need to do it, industries like wiring or morturary work that require NO inspiration at all beyond the goal of getting paid. Writing should be otherwise, and ultimately -- it is.
i would advise any writers to seek pure inspiration -- to feel it whole heartedly before they get going -- and THEN to "do it." To those who see inspiration as not necessary to writing -- i would not say much at all. i am sure they wouldn't hear me, anyway --
i might not coldly hate them as i coldly loathe the government. but there is a matter of soullessness involved. a degree of soul less ness.
"Marques, you called me a corporate whore! Why?"
(slut was not appropriate) she left Burnt Toast with venal nerds. they were so intense about selling their tiny little chapbooks. first order of their weak Bizz -- opening up a suitcase fuill of shit with their trademark on it that they could sell. MAYBE i should have been here influencing Em steadily for five years?...morelikely she is still learning to be herself as a writer. as it is she is venal and underdeveloped and it just makes me sort of sad. For her. Not me. i had mom and henry miller to teach me about having ethics and integrity as an author - that and venal people disgust me. they turn me off. Em was so amazingly fucking venal I had to go look in the dictionary to make sure I understood the meaning of the word.
To a T I understand. Means corrupt, sort of spineless in an easily bribed way. Cheap?
even cheapness has a sort of humility associated with it -- the poor who lack greed take heart when things are provided cheaply.
ve·nal  (v n l)adj.1. a. Open to bribery; mercenary: a venal police officer. b. Capable of betraying honor, duty, or scruples for a price; corruptible. 2. Marked by corrupt dealings, especially bribery: a venal administration. 3. Obtainable for a price.
[Latin v n lis, from v num, sale; see wes-3 in Indo-European roots.]
ve nal·ly adv. | The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition -------------------------
offended? yeah, i stay pretty pissed off in this venal fucking place they call, uh..."the United States". APPARENTLY being stupidly venal and pretending that that's cool and there's no other way to be? All the rage in the "United States". It's amazing. "oh, are you all butt-hurt about slavery? Get over yourself...that was ages ago."
If i had a TIME MACHINE i would go back and undo EVERYTHING that African slaves ever did, built, construicted -- I would TAKE it from this continent.
if greedy (LAZY!) Whites wondered where all their shit went? I would tell them it went back to Africa. EVERYTHING would be gone. The Gateway Arch? The trains that were built by slaves? Most of the foundation of the, uh, what's the place again?
ah...
venal. in other words, the OPPOSITE of integrity...huh. I'm all into what words mean now. For some reason.
in·teg·ri·ty  ( n-t g r -t )n.1. Steadfast adherence to a strict moral or ethical code. 2. The state of being unimpaired; soundness. 3. The quality or condition of being whole or undivided; completeness.
[Middle English integrite, from Old French, from Latin integrit s, soundness, from integer, whole, complete; see tag- in Indo-European roots.] | The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language
---- i feel that i have become sort of steadfast and Stoic about NOT being venal, NOT being greedy and primarily motivated by money. For artists? The spread of American arrogance about natural resources is directly connected to the low quality and venal nature of the Artforms presented by the United States to the rest of the world. I don't NEED to disparage Britney Spears (example) for her gender (like pigs of America do each day, stupidly) or her talent (she's sort of talented, for what she is...)
Britney is a SLAVE and I can tell she really doesn't REALLY care about what she's saying. The same industry that raped and violated Michael Jackson -- and then heaped too much praise on the twisted monster he turned into -- ugh -- it spreads worldwide, spreading stupidity, shallowness and a self-deception that CHARACTERIZES the real problem -- the United States goes on producing McShit (TM) because people lie.
They are not HONEST about how the nation was built -- they lie to themselves and each other -- and do their damndest to crucify the minds of the youngest as well. It's exactly counter evolutionary, which is why --
The Disclosure Project
and why Bush won't sign the Kyoto Treaty
by Bill Ryan http://www.serendipity.li/fe/ryan_disclosure_project.htm
LIES were crucial to the Bush powerstructure. They still are. They need people to be FUCKING FOOLED and seamless! -- airtight! so that they don't figure out just what has its fangs in them and is sucking.
A few months ago someone with an antiBush t-shirt -- he looked like a commercial for the sort of people who go to protests and get the shit stomped out of them by cops -- said to me:
"well, at least they are out of power, now."
...and THAT is why THAT naive fucker goes to marches to get STOMPED and peppersprayed and LRADded and basically --
oh they ARE, huh?
--------------
right back to Em doing sort of selfish monologues at Burnt Toast.
how did they reward her? The ironic little beanhole is closed, now. Some people NEVER learn that friendship and loyalty cannot be purchased. They waste their lives trying. In the end, the real friends were cost-free. People who think that everything is a money deal -- I am sure that they are the part of humanity that IS on the endangered species list. what the FUCK do they have to LIVE for?
Keep on lying... afraid to find out what happens when they die after a life of being BULLSHIT? oh, sorry.
That's what I MEANT to say. Sorry.
--------------
What Bush was and IS about is about being a NAZI, a fucking Satan Worshipper with ONLY PURE GREED as his motivation. As long as he can fool people into thinking that he and his team should not be rounded up and forced into a position where they can NEVER WIELD ANY SORT OF POLITICAL POWER AGAIN -- well, it's fucking working, right?
(what? did they GET him? How...with...)
for starters, I am committed for the duration.
(as in, if all the trouble spots are not completely pacified by 2014,
I'm gonna keep right on being a peace activist...) i know that it's
possible but it will require a lot of communication, right? After all, there are people in the world who are committed to "anti-peace" -- i'll put it that way.
as
such, those of us who desire a demilitarized world have a lot of
communicating and networking to do -- in particular about past
failures, ways in which past mistakes can be avoided -- "the whole
enchilada"...
For example: I personally know of one really well written article about the issues surrounding the Kyoto accord... The Disclosure Project
and why Bush won't sign the Kyoto Treaty
by Bill Ryan (because he's a fucking Nazi)
WORTH READING!!!!
planetary
climate and sustainability issues go right to the heart of National
Gov'ts "excuses" or "causes" for waging war -- right to the oil in the
Persian Gulf -- and whether or not it is necessary.
it's a fact
that we can both probably agree on that the connection between the idea
of oil's long term sustainability (it costs the environment and also is
fiercely prized by militarist governments -- as well as private
individuals...)
I'll volunteer some personal time when it's
convenient to any others to be at the Peace Room...my skills are in the
Hospitality arena, sort of. I'll make and distribute flyers when it's
necessary...it's worth it to get people to know about the Peace Room...
also:
I think you should read the article -- that was written before the Bush
Administration said NO to the rest of the world's clamor for
sustainable energy standards and overhauls... to put it mildly i
believe that being committed to solar and geothermal solutions goes
hand in hand with the goal of demilitarizing situations. Also --
being "other than naive" about how Governments function -- and about
what methods of peace activism have proven chronically ineffective.
You know that a million people plus can go out to a rally, all say NO! NO! and then that the bombs will fall anyway...that
was my experience on the protest circuit of 2002-2003...what I learned
is that the old methods do nothing EXCEPT -- they trick people into
thinking that people are doing all that they can for peace...
computers
can bridge the gap that people became PROUD of in the 1960s...people
are still proud of their defeats. Hence -- we had "recreate 68", which
was a dot org.
why would anyone want to recreate that scene
where cops were basically -- pardon my blunt speech -- kicking the shit
out of protestors? 1968 and those Chicago riots were a field day for
the police state -- and peace activism is so way back that people
actually tried to "recreate" that -- and almost no one was able to
point it out!
peace activists can't act like robots and expect to achieve anything...
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January 4th, 2010
08:18 am - it is because they are Stupid... nazi mentality....
they seriously wish to rule via oppression. to call them evil is not to oversimplify...but their weakness...ha ha ha..it DOES come out of ancient egypt.
and it's all about being as rigid and UNTHINKING as possible...oppressors and tyrants have behaved in that way for centuries, as well as spreading the idea that only their way ws superior.. you can tell when the weak points are exposed...they begin to lie and attempt to undermine the Wills of others...
as such, as far as beautiful and Good things go, free will, conscious free will, will expression that is aligned. as long as it is in One Place, they cannot dominate us completely, and in fact weaken without admitting it.
they are still nazis, they don't even know, often, why they extol Hitler as a role model (it is because they are Stupid)
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December 5th, 2009
10:48 am - yu ping? dream.... duh, some "dream" while i was dreaming i didn't know i was dreaming. i thought i was chating with yu ping. yu ping knew a LITTLE more english than i knew her language --
very strange. a pretty plain asiatic girl with long brown hair. pretty typical...how did she get into my lap? where i could see her sex? hairy... how did the rubber get so full of piss that -- ?? then i was spilling piss on her roomate's floor? then i woke up?
weird, weird, weird. there's a lot of rose quartz in the foundation here in Boulder...
sleeping in the Universal Media Center. First day!
this morning -- spectacular multicolored ring around the moon.
it is worth saying that there are many stupid and venal people here. i know what the southwest is about.
prtending nothing is wrong when something is majorly fucking WRONG -- it makes people stupid...
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08:14 am
. i have been tested by this stupid mindless society that accepts NOTHING as it truly actually is i have been tested and the colors flew.  so clean...i LIKE beng this sort of semi-invisible...sometimes people see me as i really am. it's a nice surprise...
Sasha Grey interview, Part 2Sasha Grey has said that before she settled on her current name she had considered calling herself Anna Karina, after Jean-Luc Godard's muse, lover and star of his own take on the prostitute experience, "Vivre sa vie " (1962). I find her more on the tough cookie side a la Julie Christie in "McCabe & Mrs. Miller "(1971). Either way, I wouldn't be surprised if she isn't the female Hugh Hefner before she turns 30. Here's more of the Sasha Grey experience. You say the films that you're making and the work that you do is being political?
SG: I think it would be stupid of me not to say they were, you know, because you're dealing with...well, the first thing that comes to my mind is feminism. I mean, that's the criticism I deal with up front all the time. And again, I go back to...I don't want to force my opinions or my beliefs or my ideology on anybody, that's not what I'm here to do, but if you want to listen ,that's great, you know? I'm happy to share my thoughts, but in this day and age I think all women are feminists in their own right, whether they're anti-porn or pro-porn or somewhere in between. Outside of feminism, these adult films are incredibly political, because you're dealing with the First Amendment, and why are there three different adult film companies, (or maybe two right now...one just went to jail) there are two adult film companies right now on trial for obscenity, when obscenity is still not something that's clearly defined in our Constitution. I feel like our rights are being taken away or attempted at being taken away from us and it's something that we have the right to do. We're not hurting anybody. This isn't, you know, what some people might have thought it was in the ‘70s where it's involved with the mob or slave trading or sex trading. Which I think, then you get into that whole subject, now that just gets me heated talking about that kind of stuff because the adult film industry gets tied into these groups by ill-informed people that project their ideas: "Because you are in adult films, you must be involved with this or you must be doing this, and you create the monsters and the evils in the world." PK: So its not "Boogie Nights" anymore. SG: No. I think some people want it to be, definitely, and that's why I say, like you asked earlier, if someone wanted to get into this business I would say its should be something you really feel passionate about and have more of a reason than just wanting to have fun. PK: You're still having fun, though, doing it. SG: Definitely, yeah. PK: You mentioned feminism...a number of women say that pornographic films, are products of male domination and degrade women and keep the stereotype of women as being subjugated alive in the culture? SG: There's two things I have to say about that: I feel, at the end of the day, on a very general, simple level, you either like chocolate or you like vanilla. You believe in God or you don't believe in God. So you are entitled to your own opinion and you can have a belief in whatever you want. It's America, but until you are in somebody's shoes and experiencing that firsthand, it's just an opinion. It's not a fact. So, you know, people can have their own opinions and their own beliefs, but I won't subscribe to them. I don't feel like I have to sit and defend myself to those people. PK: That was one. You said you had two things. SG: Well, that...I did say two for you. PK: I don't think there's been any scientific proof that pornography influences people's behavior that's really been accepted. SG: No, I mean, there was a study about a month and a half ago that showed Utah has the highest consumption rate of online pornography. So the people that are telling us, and like, I hate to say this because now I feel like I'm judging other people and now I feel like I'm becoming defensive, but it shows you that the people or the groups that vilify the adult industry and don't believe in advocating to young people to use sexual protection, birth control, condoms, whatever, they don't believe in advocating that, but yet they have the highest consumption rate of adult films, and they have a very high rate of teen pregnancy. So I think that shows you that that's, it's like a sore thumb. It shows you that there's a lot more to deal with in society when it comes to sex, whether it's adult films or not. PK: Or maybe, consumption of pornography makes people into Republicans. SG: People are Republicans and then they become hypocritical consumers in the things that they condemn. That's life. PK: You've described yourself as a commodity and you have no qualms about that. Can you discuss that a little bit? SG: Well, getting into the adult industry at eighteen, I knew that a lot of people would have problems with it, and I wanted people to know that I was very clear on my intent. That, yeah, I know I'm selling sex, and I'm not just getting into this by accident or by mistake. I may have other reasons as well, creative and artistic goals to reach, but it's still business, and I understand that and I'm OK with putting myself out there as an object. Because, I think you know, Steven was saying it the other night at the screening, at the end of the day we're all selling something and we all want something, whether its monetary or not. But now that's transitioned from being the laborer where I get a small piece of the pie, to now owning my own company, directing my own films where I solely benefit. PK: I saw the film with a group of critics who seemed to be disappointed that there wasn't more actual sex in the film. Do you get that response very much and do you think it's kind of a come-on to a certain extent that you're featured as the star of the film and it's more about talking about stuff than actually doing it? SG: The reason for that is that you're dealing with a specific type of escort, a woman that is a GFE. She provides more than just the sex - PK: What was that? SG: GFE. The Girlfriend Experience. PK: Oh, ok. SG: She provides this service, so how do you depict that in a film that distinguishes it differently from maybe a girl on the street who has a pimp, or a girl that just gets called up to go to a hotel room and have sex with a client and leave. These particular women, these particular escorts provide more than just the sex and at the end of the day it is about these faux relationships that are created with her clients. PK: Is it hard to separate professionalism from your personal life because sex is such an essential part of people's being so when you sell that aspect of yourself, aren't you really selling a part of yourself that's sort of precious or intimate? Precious...I'm sounding like a Mormon myself. Sorry. But you know what I'm talking about, right? PK: Yeah, I know what you mean. Uh, no, I don't feel that way because I feel that I'm...I don't limit myself just to adult films, and I find what I do in adult films is artistic and creative, and although I said it is a commodity, I do see other, I see an artistic medium within it, and that's how I personally approach it. So whether it be in adult films, what most people know me for, or my music, or my writing, or my photography, all of these things that I do, they're all very personal to me. My music project took me over a year to release, because I felt more self conscious about releasing that than I did having sex on camera. I think that's incredibly personal to put something so special and close to your heart out there for the world to hear and listen to because you know, not everybody will understand that and everybody understands sex, whether they love it or hate it or are confused by it. So no, I don't feel like that and I think it also helps that I have somebody in my life that understands my ideology and respects it and, you know, unlike Chelsea, my character in "The Girlfriend Experience," I don't have to spend quality time with the people that I'm having sex with on camera, so everybody knows what they're coming to do on set, but I do have a very healthy sexual relationship off camera. I think in the adult industry you have to have an equal balance of both, because I think it can become unhealthy to only have sex on camera. PK: And your boyfriend is cool with all of the.... 
SG: [She nods in the direction of her boyfriend, Ian Cinnamon, who is sitting next to her]. Yep, you know, I think the hardest point was at the beginning when we first started dating, because you're learning how to balance those two things but now, you know, I run my own agency, I book myself so I know my schedule to a T the next two months and I work less, you know, I'm not having sex on camera as much as I was the first few months. But that's also a conscious business decision on my part so come time I launch my production company, coming soon, it'll have more value. PK: So you get as much satisfaction on the business end as you do on the actual creative process. SG: Definitely. I mean, I don't think I'd have it any other way I wouldn't want PK: So you're sublimating your sexuality. Another thing that disturbed the critics that were in the screening was the ‘Erotic Connoisseur.' Is that an actual...do they actually have people like that? SG: That was something that when Steven and the writers interviewed some of these women, I guess all of them described similar men - these "hobbyists" that review these women and they're the scum of the earth, basically, to these women. PK: Like all critics, I'd say. SG: Well, it's quite different. So I think for them naturally they had to throw that in the film and show that part of it. PK: He was played by an actual critic too. Glenn Kenny. I hope he's not like that in real life.
SG: No. but he is that funny. I mean if you find that funny. PK: The lines that he was improvising, even though his character was repugnant, were witty. SG: Yeah, definitely. PK: That's the whole secret of criticism: be repugnant but witty. Do you think this film will help to cross over? There seems to be a line between adult entertainment and the mainstream, I guess you'd call it, variety. Do you think this film is going to blur that line somewhat and is that a good thing? PK: I'm not sure if it'll be just this film that does that. But I think because I am playing a non-eponymous character, I'm not just playing a bit part as Sasha Grey, I think that definitely helps a lot, and it shows that you can't always judge somebody just because of their immediate profession, you know? But I think that's an uphill battle that people from the adult business will always deal with, just because sex is still such a taboo subject. It's hard for people to talk about. But for me personally I try not, although I have an uphill battle, I try not to distinguish between what I do in adult, what I do in film, what I do in music. I try just to look at it as, "This is my body of work as an artist, and these are all things I hope to continue to challenge as I grow older and live my life." PK: Do you see yourself doing more...conventional, I guess is one way to describe it, roles? Would you turn down appearing in the next "Ocean's" film with Soderbergh or something like that.? SG: I don't think I'd ever turn that down! Steven was an amazing, amazing director to work with, and he has such an intense process on the set that he knows how deliver and communicate what he wants in such a quiet way, in such a liberating way as well because you hear horror stories from other actors about other filmmakers, it's like, "He didn't let me play this character or be that character," and you know, you can sometimes confine actors too much and put them in a box and it ends up inhibiting their performance. That's one of the reasons that Steven chose to shoot the film this way. PK: Did you learn anything while making this movie? SG: I mean, there was obviously a lot I learned, nothing that I can just...you can go down laundry lists. But most of all, the most important thing I feel I took from it was revalidating that anything's possible when it comes to filmmaking in that, you might have very little but you can create something amazing and beautiful. People always make excuses for what they don't have, and they don't look at what's right in front of them and use that to create something beautiful. PK: I imagine you've seen the film a few times, right? SG: I've only seen it twice, actually. I saw the cut that went to Sundance and I just saw the final cut a few nights ago. It wasn't finished. So I saw the one that went to Sundance right before and then I'm not sure at what time between January and now they actually finished the film. PK: What part of the movie moved you the most, would you say? SG: That's so hard to honestly answer because I think, and any actor can relate to this, you're always so self conscious about your performances and you feel like nothing's ever good enough. You wish you would have done something differently. But I think the film as a whole turned out great. PK: I like the scene where you're at the rendezvous place and the guy doesn't show up. That must have been a challenging scene to do. SG: Yeah, we were low on light too! By the time we actually got out to the stone staircase outside we only had a few takes to get that. Next: Remaking "Deep Throat" and what Mom has to say.
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November 24th, 2009
09:38 am but i basically left her as soon as she said
she was in love with ONLY ONE PERSON
that sort of monotony will never do for my brother tony or any other anarchist
tony is not my foster brother
i cal him that because we are borth painfully aware of the state and the fact that it needs smashin'
i say if you are a poseur there is still time to get real
and if you are not about smashing the state you are a poseur. 
this band ROCKS IN A REAL WAY.
the guy is screaming LEGALIZE ME, I REALISE ME///\
the venal stupid jealousy at the late kittyradio is always a great sign. they hate...
ha ha ha...
if you want to know what real punk is about check out GOGOL BORDELLO
u ghot a dicktionary kinkin around
look up the IMMIGRANT PUNK
---------------------------------------------------
u get lifted
juliette lewis and her new band are gonna be in my town where i am
nothing could make meh happier, like
not even siouxie
few people realise that juliette is a real great singer... hardly wait lewis - Google Videos
check out how she sings
ah luv the pointless jealousy, ah dew declare...
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November 18th, 2009
10:27 am - Weird Anguish great love. big fuckin deal...all the cliches about...ah, all the AOR hits, REO fucking speedwagon,
i don't wanna SLEEP, i just wanna keep on...uh huh, all true.
but so what? argh. deep weird anguish.
but this is not a cliche. it's not love and truth that hurt and suck. it's ALL THE OTHER SHIT.
i can SO handle the truth! so tired of lies, bullshit, DENIAL. ugh...
how can i be so happy and so sad at the same time?
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November 17th, 2009
10:22 am - one of the ten best actors of all time. one of the greatest LONDON - Veteran actress Helen Mirren is to be conferred with a lifetime achievement award for her contribution to cinema.
The Oscar-winner will be presented with the trophy at the 19th
annual Women in Film and Television Awards here next month, reports
imdb.com.
Event organisers say Mirren will receive the honour for her “outstanding and lasting contribution to film and television”.
Previous winners of the award include former Bond girl Dame Diana
Rigg, multi Oscar-winner Katharine Hepburn, and “Educating Rita” star
Julie Walters. 
The Passion of Ayn Rand:
Mirren and Stolz made her story superb, the filmmakers chose to make the film about the objective love relationships in the philosopher author's life. i NEVER saw anything like it before that... Mirren and Stolz getting it on on hardwood floors, elaborate lighting as the sun went down and venetian blinds created a lovely scene...
i actually forgot that the emeritus actor Peter Fonda was IN the movie! but i remember his performance, it was terse and commanding. They made what could have been a long drag-on of a tale about a writer compelling...
director Becker says it as well as i could from the soapbox of experience.... http://www.beckerfilms.com/index.html
“The Passion
of Ayn Rand” is a made-for-Showtime cable movie, which
I used to not take seriously and not even put on the master list of
films I’ve seen. However, I now consider them as real as
any other movies, since the best films I’ve seen in the past couple
of years have been either made-for-Showtime or HBO, specifically: “Elvis
Meets Nixon” and “Don King: Only in America”. “Ayn
Rand” isn’t nearly as good as these other two, but there’s
a heck of a lot more to think about here than any recent theatrical
films. Anyway, if in “The Patriot,” patriotism is confused
with revenge; in “The Passion of Ayn Rand,” passion is confused
with humping. Helen Mirren, who plays Ayn Rand, used to be known
for her nude scenes and sex scenes, having begun her career in Michael
Powell’s “Age of Consent,” an early, adult nudie picture,
and went on to do “Caligula,” which was supposed to be the
first legitimate porno film. Ms. Mirren gives a world-weary performance
with a Boris & Natasha Russian accent as she and Eric Stoltz, playing
Nathaniel Brandon, her number one fan, hump on every flat surface available
in the 1940s and 50s as their respective spouses, Peter Fonda and Julie
Delpy, look on and painfully tolerate it so that they too can be considered
modern and open-minded. What we are led to believe is that Ayn
Rand needed a good hard daily fucking to get “Atlas Shrugged”
out of her and since her husband Peter Fonda wasn’t up to it, she
used Nathaniel Brandon for her purpose, as he used her to his purpose.
It all makes sense, but sadly there isn’t much passion on display,
and montages of humping just don’t cut it for me.
http://www.beckerfilms.com/index.html
i tend to agree with most of what becker says. but, i bet montages of humping actually DO "do it for him" although it might be professionally deft for him to state otherwise online...hee hee. 
But also...there is this term floating around which i mellow with..."Neo-Objectivist..." i saw the illogic in Rand's statements when I was a senior in High School. OF COURSE contradictions exist. "No, they don't." YES THEY DO and there's one now...ugh... proving the negative?
It was her sheer fierceness -- and the fact that she was a Jew on the down in a nation known for equal racist brutality as Stalin's hated fascist Communism -- that, perhaps, gave her the courage, the sheer will to state opinions on such a prolific level.
Escaping Stalin's hate of Jews, she left utterly impoverished Soviet Russia and came to the United States -- where she got suckered by the same constitutional republic that almost all of us are hypnotized by by the age of six. She'd never seen opulence and riches like New York before, no doubt...and became enamored of capitalism. Which was arguably her savior.
The flaws in her philosophy come from denial's logical terminus. People who assume things that they personally have not experienced are not real are just too short sighted. I have never seen the planet Jupiter, or mainland China, with my own eyes. I would be as much of a fool as Rand if i therefore assumed that they were not real, because I could not see them. "There IS no such place as China! there's no Jupiter, either...if I haven't seen them THEY AREN'T FUCKING REAL!!"
Such arrogance goes along with Ayn Rand. Now internationally, governments and their economies are collapsing -- because she influenced SO MANY CAPITALISTS.
"Good." ---------------- something weird as my train of thought derailed: http://www.popstar.com/Helen_Mirren/
WHO DID THAT? maybe Rach did it herself.
"3-way..."
I'll definitely remember that number. -- REPUBLICANS LIE COMPULSIVELY. yeah, Hitler was mentally ill.
i find it sorta hard to feel sorry for him though... Jung and Freud and the cola wars of psychoanalysis. If Jung had won and Freud had been shoved into the world of the fringey and speculative instead of vice versa, we'd live in a much saner world, and George W. Bush might never have been president. Or -- he might not have been so diabolically and obviously insane.
And up to now...
mood: exanimate
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November 15th, 2009
02:09 pm - which you've never ever seen before...that SHOCK YOU!!! basically, i believe in LIES. i believe in truth, also, which makes life easier. but if i didn't believe in lies -- i would always, always be susceptible to deception.
it's good to believe in things in general, like the guy who said "Everything is true, even false things are true."
i understand that. Lies come from an intention -- to deceive, dominate, to get over on someone. Often liars have the goal of taking advantage and then LAUGHING LOUDLY at whoever they have vampired.
but... just because i believe in LIES -- it doesn't mean i don't believe in other things.
Cool errors, or "golden mistakes" are also something to believe in...
i definitely believe in synthetic versus organic.
like: the government is fucking itself up -- people have to take direct action, because basically, they are WRONG to be in charge. "Fucking up the planet" is one way of putting it.
the basic hatred that they have -- and show -- for women and children -- the basic state of tax-based ENSLAVEMENT that corrupts people. It's wrong -- a sort of lying false righteousness that actually sickens.
To say They Make Me Sick - understatement --but real. They sicken me and objectively -- of COURSE they sicken and kill people. The Military industrial complex...it's NOT there to make people Happy or make them Feel Good. It's there to objectively Hurt People -- and to trick people into paying into it, becoming proud of it...
the culmination of events and histories colliding and combining bring us to a front row seat in the great Battle between Good and Evil. And those things are real, as well...anytime someone says "there's no Evil" back up and fucking CHECK.
The other one i worry about is when they say "never ending battle between Good and Evil." Yeah, maybe...but maybe that's a lie. Maybe we are tricked, tricked into thinking that there must always be evil. Yeah, i could imagine some ancient force of evil saying "you can't live without me...there's no way."
the ancient smiling liar of posession, the enemy of Good and Virtuous simply because they are there... an ancient smiling thing of hate that would insist that it would always be around....armed with lies.
But it gets nervous when one observes it directly -- and perhaps this Mayan thing is actually about The End of Evil.
That would effectively end the world as we have known it -- the world of injustice, lies, dead children frozen in the snow while Bureacracy laughs --
When I finally tell the story of the Demon Slumlord -- how completely stupid and ultimately, self destructive he was -- I will get some good applause.
mood: chipper music: Pow! beastie boys
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November 6th, 2009
11:55 am THE HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE ANGUISH.
the sadness. the PAIN. the grief. all of it so real... i get nada from denying my feelings, or the feelings of others...and i see what's going on... some people are bent on suicide, self destruction, a sort of psychospiritual retardation that leaves them spitefully, stupidly denying any emotions that manifest at all...as if they were simply bent on getting out of life, out of this world...
they lie about everything and hate the truth...
meanwhile i have to face it...i love her so much, the idea of her pain is causing ME pain, and what makes it better? what takes away this horrible pain, she is in so much pain and smiling through it.
women are -- ARE -- stronger...the whole 'men don't cry' b. s. is CRIPPLING to humanity...
but the combination of feelings -- plus of course, the LIES of the "Psoviets"...
so obvious and that's what it's MADE for. to subjugate.
so much evil and so much goodness at the same time. i can see it and i'm glad -- even while the filthy Psoviet lie goes on offering a freedom that it HATES and would never, ever actually allow people to enjoy. stinking fascists...death to them and their "orders". just DEATH.
they cause so much misery and suffering with their LIES. i know the way.
---------
just the misery of being dominated and enslaved in this police state, this lie that calls itself freedom, this malevolent fascism that seeks to control and enslave everyone. EVERYONE...
it's ending and they know it it's pure evil, not sustainable and they are paranoid, afraid that people will rise up and break free of their rule (it's happening, everywhere...)
lying pigs. why i am leaving this group?
divided and conquered. people who do the same robotic SHIT over and over again
will fail to accomplish what is desired - a complete END of psychotronic tyranny.
instead, they will do the same robotic SHIT, over and nauseatingly over and over.
i'm leaving THIS group and moving to networking efforts that are showing more promise.
i suggest that you do the same, as i have noticed that you have worked the internet tirelessly,
i believe, since around the Y2K - 9-11 period.
you can say what you FUCKING want about me.
i am anarchist and this situation sickens me.
people who are "loyal to the government" will NEVER be able to do anything about this problem until they change their own minds.
if you are mentally enslaved, you're mentally enslaved! technology or
no technology. there was, uh, ACTUAL slavery in the years leading up
to the ratification of the constitution -- and it's STILL going on.
what you MUST realise is that you face psychotronic fascism.
COURTESY of what calls itself "Republic" or "the Republican
Party". It has also been called International Socialism -- it LIES and
seeks total control.
people seem addicted to using the term "TI".
they should stop. it is debilitating and the TRUTH is
the entire planetary population is targetted.
why do people keep doing the same thing
when it has no effect year after year?
because their FUCKING MINDS ARE CONTROLLED.
you have to WAKE UP and stop doing the same things.
some people have been using the same DUMB terminology since 9/11. what
would THEY want rather than people doing THE SAME DUMB SHIT THAT HAS NO
EFFECT over and over, until they DIE?
do you KNOW who TEXAS INSTRUMENTS are? "TI"? Do you know who they are CONNECTED to, and exactly WHAT they do?
they LAUGH at you, that's what they fucking do.
you gotta hang up the cell phone, stop FUCKING "Blogging" and start USING YOUR OWN BRAINS. because
as you must know by now, if you don't, THEY WILL.
and they will LAUGH at you
and monitor groups like this
to make SURE you are still using impotent strategies and debilitating terminology -- that works right into their agenda!
WAKE. THE. FUCK. UP.
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November 5th, 2009
01:41 pm - suicide and girls yeah, it IS because i am gentle. sensitive. caring. all that water sign stuff that, in truth, nobody can actually live WITHOUT.
watersign stuff like being able to see when someone suffers from the same pain that i do, and actually doing something to help rather than just selfishly turning away.
in a way: the whole BoulderToBoulder Project has been like the opening of "Crouching Tiger" -- when the Wu Dan master mentions that he was deep within meditation but then became aware of a profound and sharp anguish. I know when people are hurting inside and doing their best to armadillo it through situations...especially shitty situations...like the suicide girls.
it's particularly nasty. THEY
ARE FUCKING CRIPPLED. i know so many desperate nipplebiting motherfuckers who
have spoken about women as if all they were were a hole and a potential
business transaction...
they leave women generally suicidal or lesbian, and they really think they are
"down". i know what Down means.Down means standing up for what is Good, not just "righteous" but against real evil...needlesly hurtful things.
this is the real core of anarchy. anyone who says they are about anarchy and yet are against women's rights are so FUCKING lying that it's a mental aberration -- schizoid and backwards -- and not sustainable.
that and OTHER reasons are why i share my love and my will with those whom i CHOOSE to share it with and with who CHOOSE to share it with me. frozen robot social fascism says some shit about 'death @ hippies'
...they are too fucking stupid to know how stupid they are.
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October 29th, 2009
12:05 pm - cybersquatters 1 http://sashagrey.com/
most of us are united under the notion that we wuz robbed and now fair game's fair game where we can get it. i believe in chaos and coincidence: i'm a pretty decent zen archer. meanwhile in my mind i am grappling with questions...how to do things?
i can i splice digital videos togethet? what soft do i need, and then...
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October 28th, 2009
03:01 pm - who? there is a High Power that watches over us.
"Black Cat"
All the lonely nights I spend alone
Never around to love me
You're always gone
Cause you're hangin out
Breakin' the rules
Oh the man has come
Looking for you
You're a rebel now
Don't give a damn
Always carrying on
With the gang
I'm trying to tell you boy
It's a mistake
You won't realize
Til it's too late
Don't understand
Why you insist
On ways of living such a dangerous life
Time after time you stay away
And I just know that you're telling me lies
Black cat
Nine lives
Short days
Long nights
Livin on the edge
Not afraid to die
Heart beat
Real strong
But not
For long
Better watch your step
Or you're gonna die
You're so together boy
But just at a glance
You'll do anything
If given a chance
Scheming, plannin lies
To get what you need
So full of promises
That you never keep
Don't you tell yourself
That it's okay
Sick and tired of
All of your games
And you want me to stay
Better change
Makes no sense to me
Your crazy ways
Black cat
Nine lives
Short days
Long nights
Livin on the edge
Not afraid to die
Heart beat
Real strong
But not
For long
Better watch your step
Or you're gonna die
---- what is it about? that was quite a number of years ago...
--- just: wow. like That ISN'T it. Not ALL of it.
like, can we talk about 'Good Times?' what is Love, what isn't it.
but the evilness of american culture is secretly snickering we worked that nigger like a slave and now he's dead. let's dance on his grave.
 WHERE? what do i have to DO?
-- yeah, i know what a cash cow is, a goose that lays golden eggs, like knowing what Michael went through when he was FIVE years old and making more money than Muhammad Ali and Sidney Poitier, and how they couldn't do it without him. i know -- like i bow before the greatest dancers of the 2oth century, all of them -- i KNOW what it means when they grab a human commodity and USE IT until it dies.
if anything, Michael caught all the bullets for his sister Janet, they USED him and USED him...societal rape is often perpetrated economically.
"Niggers" aren't supposed -- according to the venally, brutally STUPID white supremacist mind to be able to UNDERSTAND that. For years it was a crime punishable by DEATH to teach an African slave to READ. (might have scanned the Bill of Rights)
resistance to nazism has gone on for a long time. it's finally about to succeed.
-- yeah, you're right. i absolutely can NOT be in love with someone i don't know personally.
 guess that's just the way it goes.
also http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/science/nature/8329865.stm

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October 23rd, 2009
10:53 am - sadness is so lame that i miss depression. "Trapped in the closet"? wtf is that?
I realise slowly, about half way through that there's no way i should reallty try toenjoy Al until i actuially...
heh heh...
he gets to the chorus and i start giggling. it's all okay.
what Al does: he gets all worked up about something really trivial and
mundane...bt coming out of HIS face, it's theend of the world.
i still have to hear the original song before enjoyingthe pqaraoduy.
it's probably something mainstream that will really annoy me.
Brits doesn't annoy me...but i start to realise: she only SEEMS mainstream.
Maybe i'll cast her chart. I think she's a december baby...STOP! Don'rt Go no further!
That's right...it's R. Kelly.
I Believe I can fly...good somngh, great song butthe rest...
ahh...when soul music stopped getting called soul music becaue that was "corny"...ah, that's WHY there's a weird al.
It's funny...but still too mellow..
so if i really wanna go super mellow and not even a little funny:
Rutter's ERequiem. There. This goes along with the completely sad way I feel...
a lot of Boulderites, the richest ones...
they're really fucking evil. It's sooo lame.
I realise that i wasn't going to let genocidal, unapologetic fake
Christians force me to hate America. The first time i realised that
was wghen Gore was getting robbed...they murdered Indians in h uge
numbers and dug mass graves. Then they built churches on top of the
mass graves and prayed for forgiveness...while continuing the genocide
and hypocrisy -- and lying to their children about why so that it would
go on.
Jon Benet Ramswey was murdered here...and it's just such a Weird
place. nazis are hypocritical, dull witted even if they have alarge
vocabulary.
Living a lie makes you fucking STUPID.
Drrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr..........
Agnus Dei
Agnus Dei
Qui Tollis Pecatta
Pecatta mundi
Dona Eis Requiem.
Lamb of God, who takes away the sins of the world, have mercy on us.
Lamb of God, who sits at the right hand of the father, have mercy on us.
Lamb of God, who takes away the sins of the world, have mercy on us.
---EA Wallis Budge...ugh.
All those archaic Bible olde-english words...
they don't fit in with the Papyrus of Ani. It should be retranslated, and I cannot do it -- not being THAT much of qa scholar.
But :"Ra when he setteth?"
It's as if he translated it without reading it.
-------------------------
I'm so sick of the hypocrisy! I am glad that it feels like it's about
toend. Not at all scared of the changes and what forms they'll take:
and now I'm coming up to the actual point. I mean: I hope Maureen gets
over her eating disorder. But with ALL THAT INTERFERENCE...

THE ACTIVE DENIAL SYSTEM
HIPAS
HAARP
the frak is 'Lrad'? Look that up, too.
"T. I."?
EVERYONE is targeted.
if you tell someone something
and they seem to acknowledge you, but then
robotically go on to do the same exact thing: which is a MISTAKE
in a very important situation...
i suppose you can end up continuing to communicate with those persons.
there is just a level of sadness...
as the person is not really home.
they're "taking calls"...
some of you make me so fucking sad.
i wish you'd wake the hell up.
Well,
enjoy being Texas Instruments.
I have a feeling it's never gonna work THAT way, though
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October 17th, 2009
05:12 pm - I FELL IN LOVE AND CRAWLED RIGHT THE FUCK BACK OUT is all. BUT:
 this is now a jerry stiller and bob burden fan page. fuck all the industries there ever have been. i am pist. POST pissed.
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October 16th, 2009
04:37 pm - a liar! he doesn't just LAY there, he lays there, LYING.
pathetic.
telepathetic~! he sucks so much i made up a new word. mood: chipper music: Neon Mandala by cataleptik
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October 9th, 2009
10:28 am - Multiply Orgasmic Men (M. O. M.) perhaps it is a mutation. at least one source says that Earth is passing through a "photonic wave" as it does reglarly, as cosmic time goes, every 26,000 years or so...and perhaps in prehistoric times, my ancestor realised that a man could be multiply orgasmic and altered human destiny by blowing the minds of the women in his tribe. i know that's how i feel. it' such an advantage that i feel Gooder Times coming...real and real fast. it's been a long time coming but then again...
well, there it is. 26000 years --- THAT'S a "long time". since the eighties? that's not long.
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October 6th, 2009
08:37 pm - WHY THE FUCK HAVE I COME HERE I MEAN TO THIS PLANET THESE RETARDED UNITED STATES, THESE UNITED STATES OF DENIAL WHY AM I HERE?
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October 3rd, 2009
05:31 pm - what were you doing then? when i was seven years old? i know exactly what i was doing. it was myo ho renge kyo and i've kept doing it. but...
...but...
all the accidents that happen
follow the dot
coincidence makes sense
only with you
you don't have to speak
i feel
emotional landscapes
they puzzle me
then the riddle gets solved and you push me up to this:
...state of emergency...
...how beautiful to be!...
...state of emergency...
...is where i want to be...
all that no-one sees
you see
what's inside of me
every nerve that hurts you heal
deep inside of me
you don't have to speak - i feel
emotional landscapes
they puzzle me
confuse
then the riddle gets solved and you push me up to this:
...state of emergency...
...how beatuiful to be!...
...state of emergency...
...is where i want to be...
...state of emergency...
...state of emergency...
[Thanks to ashleyh_1@hotmail.com for correcting these lyrics]
i see something and it's ugly and beautiful. as in: i am beautiful: what fascists do to the world is ugly, like their mean, spiteful laughter with its delusions of superiority. it's ugly, evil and stupid what fascists are...
and it's beautiful, good and oh, so smart, almost as smart as the fascists are stupid and evil...what's coming in 2012. i can feel it SOO much more now...
just the way so many of her songs are obviously her in the studio singing lullabies to her beloved sindri. that's beautiful and good and smart, period...
envious...the fascists are so envious. i am pleased to see that she hates them as much as i do.
so pleased that i must crosspost. slightly...
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